Opposites Attract
From Profile Magazine – October 2015
“In the August and September editions of Profile Magazine, we spoke about ways in which people can resolve their differences at the end of a relationship. This month, I would prefer to focus on the commencement of a relationship and see what can be done to help ensure that relationships don’t break down. Obviously, not a lot can be done within a legal frame work although there is a positive obligation cast upon the Court, and consequently legal practitioners, to have regard to the institution of marriage (Section 43(1)(a) of the Family Law Act). Since the children and property of de facto partners is now dealt with under the Family Law Act, I consider that that obligation extends to de facto partners. The preservation of a relationship can be assisted by the couple understanding each other better. By understanding each other better, the relationship is being given more opportunity to flourish and that is where the Myers Briggs Type Indicator can help.
The Myers Briggs personality test has been around for a long time. In fact, it is often used by clergy who would counsel couples before marriage. Discussions around compatibility were commonplace years ago and with a shift towards a more secular society, this valuable step in the relationship process has been largely ignored.
Of course, when one is young and in love, one only sees such things as a waste of time and possibly an impediment to that relationship. But, of course, new relationships are not solely the province of the young and second and even third marriages/de facto relationships, giving rise to blended families, and the complexities that can create, are not uncommon;
What happens when that person you adore starts to grate on your nerves? All is not lost according to Michael Gray from Gray’s Family Law and a little prevention can go a long way.
Differences between people in a relationship can be a strength, “opposites attract, yes, but do they always stay together?” asks Michael Gray of Gray’s Family Law.
For example, for introverts, hell at a party is being there. For extraverts, hell at a party is not being invited.
“If you spend enough time with anyone, the cracks will start to show. Little traits that you once found endearing can become irritating. The extrovert in him may become frustrated with the introvert who refuses once again to go to the party. And the introvert may feel like pulling away and withdrawing from the big personality she finds herself with.”
But rather than let these differences become ingrained and chip away at your relationship, Michael believes that early intervention is the key.
“When we identify where the differences are between the two people, then we can work with those differences to have mutual strengths”, explains Michael.
“I would prefer to focus on what can be done to prevent relationships from breaking down. Through identifying you and your partner’s personality types, Myers Briggs can help you better understand the nature of the person you are entering (or already in) a relationship with.”
Michael smiles warmly as he discusses a topic he is obviously passionate about.
“To quote Isabel Briggs Myers,” Whatever the circumstances of your life, the understanding of type can make your perceptions clearer, your judgments sounder, and your life closer to your heart’s desire.” and that is a statement with which I wholeheartedly agree”.
Often as your relationship develops so do your financial involvements – sharing goals and projects. Your finances grow together and become entwined. And this is where Michael encourages couples to consider putting a financial agreement in place.
Financial Agreements can be made before the commencement of, during, or after the breakdown of a marriage/de facto relationship and, if properly drawn and reviewed regularly, they can provide a valuable “road map” for couples.
As a lawyer and fully certified Myers Briggs practitioner, Michael is able to offer a unique service to clients.”
